Poetry from Honors Project

This is a collection of four poems that I used for my Huge Honors Exhibition last semester. We were to showcase what Honors was to us, so I used main events in my time as an Honors student as inspiration for poems.

A Mother’s Fear was based on the trials I will go through as a woman and my future daughter/s(if I end up with girls).

I Could Have Been in the Circus was a mixture of how I felt people perceived me and how I could have done anything else in the world.

I’m Only a Puzzle was an ode to my mental illnesses.

The Destruction of Nothing was a piece I wrote at a pretty crappy time.

Honestly, most poetry comes from a nasty moment in life, so I guess that’s why the majority of mine isn’t too light hearted.


A Mother’s Fear

It should not be a mother’s fear, to hold a daughter in her arms.

I wanted to paint the nursery pink, no matter how disgusting the color looked.

I imagined dressing her like a doll while clipping polka dot bows in her soft curls.

I dreamed of her laughter, chiming like fairies as she finds joy in the simple things.

I wished to teach her to stand tall, to dance in the rain, to be who she wanted.

It should not be a mother’s fear, to be given a little girl.

I see monsters and ghosts in the nightmares of her blue eyes.

I hear crying and screaming in the bathroom while she stares at a stranger.

I feel pain in my heart because I know she will never believe in her worth.

I know too many ways for her world to be cold and for her to shrivel and fade.

It should not be a mother’s fear to be a queen to a princess.

 


 

I could have been in the Circus.

If I had been a tightrope-walker,

My toes could have curled around,

And around the cord.

The air would feel weighted

Perhaps my center might feel balanced

I’d stretch my arms to a wingspan

That shadows the ground far below

Falling is not an option

If I had been a tightrope walker

Beneath me would be the world.

Below me, they watch with wide mouths

Every breath a gale, every step as light as a feather,

But heavy as a quake.

But…

If I had been a dancer,

Then the figure eight of my hips would be my worth

I’d grace the world with my high kicks

Touching the moon with my pointed toes.

There’d be no cell that could hold me,

As I’d slither through the cage bars

And flee without touching the grass.

If I had been a dancer,

Then a spotlight would blind me

And I’d be burnt by their eyes

Each spin, the world would spin,

But I wouldn’t move.

Still…

If I had been an animal tamer,

My fingers would tickle the throat of pure wild,

The untamable would bow before my tipping hat,

I’d smile whilst feeling hot breath,

Wreath under my skin

They’d stalk around me,

Two rows of predators waiting

Watching.

All the while holding their breath

As a hoop of fire cast smoke shadows on my face.

If I had been an animal tamer,

I’d be the one inside the cages

Alongside my mammal stars,

Eating spoiled meat and longing to run free.

Yet…

If I had been a circus performer,

Then I would no longer be me.

My dimples would be cavern in my cheeks

From smiling for too long.

There’d be ringing in my ears

And forever the worry of losing my balance.

For every misstep, my world could collapse.

If I had been a circus performer.

The Sky would have been a tent with colors

Too bright

And walls too close.

 


 

I’m Only A Puzzle

I always felt

Like something big

was missing

 

Like my puzzle

had lost its corners.

Just those,

Four corners,

And it can never

be complete.

 

For that to matter

Something

So small

So easily lost

 

A puzzle must be flawed.

 

The picture is

Made

A story could

Be told

 

Without them

I am still there

I am still Known

 

Still

Those four corners

Should be

The first

Pieces placed

 

To create the frame

To hold

It steady

To give it

Shape.

 

Without them

I am still there

I am still Known.

 

They try

to give me pieces

That never

Fit just right.

 

They bend

My sides

They do not

Match.

 

Without them

I am still there

I am still Known

 

They try

Again

To fix me

With the wrong

Pieces

 

The colors

Don’t match

The locks

Won’t connect.

 

Blue to red

To green

To white

 

It distorts

The image

It contorts

The meaning

 

Without them

I am still there

I am still

Known.

 


The Destruction of Nothing

In just one evening

Everything stopped

The movie reel

Tangled

Flickering on the

Plaster wall

Nothing but light.

Words Stutter,

Echoing endlessly

What if

What if

Until finally

It goes out.

 

A storm rumbles

Patiently waiting

For shutters to

Shut

The crashing

Comes the gale

Rattling the frame

Threatening

You’ll fall

You’ll fall

Power break

Surging

Until finally

It goes out.

 

Ice hangs

Steadfast

Clutching branches

With tight claws

Destroying the

Life within

It draws the

Final vestiges

Of warmth

Brittle.

Fragile

It’ll break

It’ll break

The sun glitters

On the crystal

Until finally

It goes out.

 

Like a stone

In a pool

The moon

Rests

Quiet and alone

Waiting her

Turn

Yet the sun must

Be there for

Her to shine

It’s dark

It’s dark

Until finally

It goes out.

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